PCOS-IR The beginning…

Disclaimer, shit’s about to get real. I have made a vow to be completely transparent and honest and that includes all the dirty details. If you’re not comfortable with bodily fluids or trips to the porcelain God, I suggest you skip this post.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programing.

In case you’re new here, my month one was in the summertime of 2018, clearly we are currently 6+ months ahead in time. This is my glimpse into what I experienced in my first month after being diagnosed.

Ok, so I’ve gone to the doctor, went through all of the testing, Ive been diagnosed and prescribed some medication, so whats next? If you’ve been down this road you already know but for those of you that have had the privilege of skipping this stop on your journey through life, let me break it down for you. To start, in my case, I had to do a round of Medroxyprogesterone Acetate accompanied with iron supplements and started low and slow on one dosage of Metformin/day along with prenatal vitamins. (Some people have little to no issues with metformin, others like me have terrible tummy troubles as you will soon find out).

One of the biggest risk factors of PCOS is endometrial and ovarian cancer. Any build up of your uterine liner is dangerous but since I hadn’t had a cycle in over 14 months Morgan said my build up was massive and she was really concerned. We discovered during my appointment that some weird things were happening. I told Morgan I hadn’t had a real period but had lightly been spotting for several months. After my exam, Morgan said she believed I wasn’t spotting, but instead she thought my uterus was so full from lack of cycling that blood was literally leaking out of my body. Morgan explained that my lack of periods was extremely dangerous and decided we needed to force my body to flush its system. She said this was going to be ‘a real bear’ but to know that it beats the alternative, the big C. I agreed she was right and I was ready for the process. Morgan said if her assumptions were right, after the flush the spotting should stop.

Let me just pause for a second to say, NO amount of preparation could have prepared me for this system flush. NONE.

Ok, so to start you have to take a series of pills over the duration of five days. After day five your system is supposed to be shocked into a full flush and shed. First of all, the Medroxyprogesterone Acetate makes you feel like garbage. Full on dry heaving nausea, massive headaches, sore breasts, PMS mood swings and insomnia. So basically it’s super enjoyable, but don’t worry friends, it gets better.

After day 5 your supposed to start your period. My body required an additional two days to get it together. This is where the fun really starts. This is unlike ANY period you have ever had. It started off slow with some mild cramping and spotting…. and then the flood gates opened. Disclaimer again-you have been warned twice, but for the sake of honesty and realness I’m not about to sugarcoat anything, proceed with extreme caution or curiosity-you decide.

Ok, the ‘bear’ of a period, as Morgan so eloquently named it, was a freaking B.A.S.T.A.R.D. The amount of pain from these cramps sent me into a tail spin. I would have slapped my own mama for some sort of pain reliever. You cannot sleep, you are literally having such a heavy flow that you are leaking after less than an hour…through a super plus tampon AND a pad. I started taking baths every couple of hours throughout the day just to get any sort of relief. There were moments when I would sit on the toilet and just let it drain because what was the point, I actually fell asleep, twice, seated on the toilet.

You are this pain encompassed zombie migrating through life and pretty much assume death is near. I had to call my mother on several occasions because the amount of blood or the characters accompanying said blood was enough to cause concern. Never in my 28 years on this earth had I experienced giant, gelatinous clots-like the size of your finger-thats enough to scare anyone. I thought I needed to go to the hospital immediately. Spoiler alert…..apparently it was all normal. cute. Eventually I was so emotional and exhausted from lack of sleep and constantly leaking everywhere I called my Mom asking for any advice. She told me to create a make shift diaper out of boxer briefs (thanks to my husband) and pads, that should allow some time between bathroom breaks, she also said to lay a towel down on my side of the bed, curl up with my heating pad and let whatever happens, happen. Thankfully, her advice worked and allowed me to rest in three hour stretches in stead of the crappy 45 minutes to an hour I was barely getting before.

The other fun circus I had joined was Metformin. Now I was told this was going to suck, bad. But Morgan said it usually lasts a week, sometimes two after each new dosage. So, being the brains that I am, I decided to time it so my hell week with my period coincided with my beginning of Metformin so I didn’t spend my entire month incomprehensibly sick and miserable. I don’t know if the jokes on me or if it really was the smartest thing to do but I have NEVER suffered so much through a sickness in my life.

Metformin is a total bitch. Some call it the devil. It was originally created as a pill to help treat diabetes but they learned that on top of regulating glucose in the body, it also helps to regulate insulin in insulin resistant patients. This pill, later it becomes pillS, has the ability to control your entire day. Not only does metformin make you feel like shit, it also makes you shit…. like A LOT and Oh LORT does it hurt. You know that scene on bridesmaids where they all get food poisoning and Melissa McCarthy’s character is shitting in the sink screaming, “It’s coming out of me like lava”, while she sweats profusely….yeah, like that. I know we are supposed to be ladies and never even admit to going poop let alone talk about it on the internet but friends, when you experience the metformin poo’s you can either cry, which i did..a lot, or you can laugh about it with your internet friends in your copious PCOS support groups. (& also on this blog because this is a real part of my life now hahaha) To be honest the worst trips to the bathroom happen after lettuce, of all things. See your DR will tell you that eating bad, such as a meal heavy in carbs or refined sugar, amplifies the side effects of the medication, but forgets to mention some healthy foods can cause even worse reactions. Apples, FORGET ABOUT IT, any type of leafy green that you could use for a salad….LAVA. Add in body aches, dry heaves, waves of nausea, supreme gassiness with loud farts like a grown man after a day spent elbow deep at the buffet and the new fun trips when your sugar drops and you get hot flashes that turn into dizzy spells or worse. It all can spiral REAL fast, but this was my new life and  I quickly learned what to do to be successful and less miserable. All I had to do is eat regularly, make healthier choices with my meals, not let my sugars drop and never, EVER eat another salad.